Things are little by little getting quieter around here. Last night at bedtime I asked Dave if he thought he could swallow a couple of pills. I planned to only offer the morphine and the diuretic as they are tiny and I felt they were the more important of the lot. He looked at them and nodded yes. Morphine first. He took a sip of water and I gave him the pill. He drank a bit more then after a moment he made his snarl face which is not unlike his Billy Idol face that he confesses as a teen he practiced in the mirror because Billy Idol was pretty cool. "You didnt swallow it, did you?" *shakes head* "Let me see" *opens his mouth* and there it was. I pulled it back out and let him know that's ok and thats why we have the liquid meds so we'll just use those instead. The nurse prepped me for such an instance so I had the dosage all worked out and written down. I spent a few minutes setting alarms on my phone and away we went on the every 3 or 4 hour schedule. Every 3 hours at night to help him sleep and 4 during the day unless it seems like he needs more. I rested a lot but didnt really sleep. I liken it to a new parent's schedule. Every couple of hours you attend to some need, it's exhausting but it's a labor of love. It makes sense really that we would ideally give someone at the end of their life the same love and attention that you'd give someone at the beginning of their life.
I fully believe that David is still aware of whats going on and he hears and understands what we say to him, or around him. The last couple of days he's done a lot of mumbling in his wakeful moments. Last night his sister and family came to visit, I'm pretty sure he told his sister, "Thanks for the pie" as she was preparing to leave. I know he was saying thank you for coming to say goodbye, and he did say that, it just took a second to get the words to come out right. I'd like to think he was also thanking them for the dozens of Thanksgiving pies we've shared with them over the years. The man likes pie.
This morning (Monday) as Owen left for school David woke and told him bye and he loves him. Thats pretty much the last coherent thing he's said. It's obvious that he hears us and sometimes reacts but doesn't talk much. It takes too much energy. When Owen said goodnight and gave Dave a hug Owen got a kiss on the cheek. That boy means the world to Dave and he continues to show it even when he can't say it out loud.
The missionaries came to visit the other day and offered Dave and I both blessings. He kept saying "bless you too" to me, to make sure I was also taken care of. Like always.
I told Owen Sunday night that I didn't know what would happen this week but we just have to power through. He has finals so I carefully worded permission for him to not have to stress about his grades for half a second. Just do your best and it doesn't matter what the grade ends up being. All we can do is our best. He looked skeptical and wanted to know if I would feel the same way once I see his grades. Hahaha maybe he wants it in writing. For now I'm trying to keep his schedule as normal as possible but it's an abnormal week both at home and at school. I suppose that's fitting. We'll see what the rest of the week brings.
Every day we've seen a small but specific decline in David and I expect that to continue. We're being well looked after by hospice and he seems very comfortable and at peace. I know he's ready to go and while we'll never be ready to let him go I think we're as ready as we can be. I'll update more when my scattered brain can put together thoughts. Thank you for all the messages of love and for keeping us all in your thoughts and prayers. We take it all to heart.