One Month

One month ago today David was admitted to the hospital.  We didn't know what was going on and we were stressed and restless and hopeful that it was something curable and benign.  A full month later and our reality is much different. 

We've learned a lot in the last month about strength.  We know our support system is stronger, that our love is stronger and that we are stronger than we ever thought possible. We've learned that a little patience goes a long way and that anger is a largely wasteful emotion.  It doesn't mean we don't have our moments of anger, but they are few and far between.

We've learned that when you're in the middle of something life changing every day feels like forever, but when you get answers and look back on those struggles they seem like they only took a moment.  This past month has been both the longest and shortest of our lives so far.  We're hoping for much more time together as a family and that the time feels like it's going slowly so we can savor it.

We've learned that it's important to tell people how you feel about them while you have the chance.  We feel blessed to have been able to say the things we need to say to each other, even if they aren't easy. 

We've learned that our friends and family are more amazing than we ever knew they were so in part we've learned not to take people for granted. We've also learned that it's important to talk to people.  When you open up to friends and family you never know what resources they might have and people they know may come crawling out of the woodwork to help you.  You never know who has experience navigating things like social security, health care, hospice, legal matters like power of attorney,  insurance, social work... things you don't normally need to know about but find it extraordinarily helpful when others can help guide you.

We've learned that laughing is a whole lot easier than crying.  There's always something to laugh about, even if not everyone gets your joke or thinks it's funny.  If you can laugh then you're doing a lot better than you could be doing. 

We've learned that everyone handles grief differently and there is no right way or wrong way but almost everyone can use a hug regardless of how they are handling things.

Personally I've learned that it comes in handy to not be shy about calling doctors and being "that wife".  If you get what you need because of it it's totally worth it.  I've gotten doctors cell phone numbers and direct lines to insurance people and prompt appointments all because I haven't been afraid to be the squeaky wheel if that's what it takes.  I'm willing to do that and if anyone reading this is (heaven forbid) ever in a situation like this don't be afraid to be an advocate for yourself or your spouse or your friend or family member who can't do it for themselves.  I think it has made all the difference in this because if it were up to David I don't think he would have ever gone to the dr until it was even further progressed than it was when I made him go and we'd have even less time together now.  Every minute counts.

Maybe one of the most important lessons we've all learned in our own way is to accept help.  David has to rely on people for everything and that was very hard for him but I'm proud of him for coming to terms with it instead of getting depressed and withdrawn.  I've had to accept help around the house and to allow people to take care of me while I take care of David.  I don't like asking for it so it's been nice that people have been right up in my face helping and not letting me say no, even when I try.  Owen has learned that people are there for him to talk to and to do things with to keep his mind off things he'd rather not focus on.  And they're also there to NOT talk to if that's what he needs.  In his pre-teen-ness sometimes he'd just rather not talk and that's ok too.  (t-minus 15 days until Owen's a teenager! Dave definitely has to stick around for that!)

Thank you to everyone who has been there for us in a variety of ways.  Who have sat with us almost every day or send notes or cards or prayers, who have brought meals and hugs and who visited in the hospital and at home.  Those who love us from near and afar and offer their support in whatever way they can, we feel it and we're thankful.  Mostly we've learned to be thankful and to count our blessings.

David starts physical therapy tomorrow.  Hopefully soon he can be in a wheel chair at least around the house then build up to being transported for treatment if the doctor gives the go ahead.  I've been sitting him up in bed more as long as he is comfortable.  Baby steps.